This is it.
In a few short hours, I will be on a plane headed in the general direction of home. I am excited to get re-aquainted with my life bringing back a new set of cool stories. But before I get distracted by a hundred hellos, and with utter gratefulness of where I’m at and what I have to come home to, I’ll write down a response reflecting the current state of my heart.
My heart has never fit into the mold we have made for Christianity today. And I have recently found that neither does the fullness of Jesus. I guess there has always been this fire inside me, wanting to break out of the mold to find that something more I somehow know is there. So my need for adventure and my longing to act out against my normalcy led me to stumble upon the dare to come and see.
[“I will be found by you”, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:14]
I saw God everywhere. I saw Jesus in faces. I saw goodness. I saw brokenness. I saw true beauty. Things were moving. The good news was actually good news again. I felt the Hope for the hopeless. I read the gospel because I was living the gospel and couldn’t take a step forward without an example. The accumulation of my questions and answers and truths confirmed and truths revealed have brought such overwhelming clarity about God and humanity that they’ve sent me to my knees. I’m not standing on a bitterness towards the Church and it’s stiff institutions. I am the Church, we all lack love, and I’ve been too lazy to become the church I dream of. I’m not lying down in the seduction of a comfortable life with it’s mediocre mazes. No, I’m on my knees, because I saw my face in the oppressed and I saw my hands in the oppressors. I found reality. I’m convinced we are all broken. I’m convinced even more so that we are all beautiful. I want to scream in the face of self centeredness, “It’s not all about you!”, but I’m on my knees because I’m lightyears away from the perfection I preach. I’m on my knees because I’ve always worried about being the best but I found Jesus in the least. I’m on my knees to pick up the strength in my weakness. I’m on my knees because I’m tired of fighting, pushing, arguing, and defending leaving no room for love. I’m on my knees because I don’t have all the answers. I want to hold tight to the simplicity in Jesus. I want to love in that uncomfortable-nonsensical-expect- nothing- in-return Jesus love chosen with willingness to learn. I trust that I’ll be filled when I quickly come to the end of myself. I am on my knees pleading against our apathy, our complacency, our small dreams, our blind eyes. The world is crying and God is waiting for us to not only be his sons and daughters but his hands and feet. He is calling, do we deem Him worthy? For all we claim, will we stand still?
[More pleasing than your works, prayers, and penances is that you would believe I love you.]
Live in response.
Watch Him make your life a beautiful one.